ISMO Issue 19

CONTENTS:



THE GOSSIPPING HEN: Chris Evans versus the Oasis Photographer; Bowwowwow; George
Harrison; Pete Wylie (the bloke out of Wah!)
FEATURE: Charles Manson music on the Web
NEWS: Dad song, Bestiality TV Show, I`m only touched by your presence deer
BOOKSHELF: "My Tiny Life" by Julian Dibble
MISSING LINKS: Dear Celebrity Competition, Julian Cope.......
TWITCHY THE TRAMP: Sees in 1999 with a tattooed bag lady
RECORD REVIEWS: Peter Wyngarde, P.J. Harvey, Talvin Singh, The Frank Chickens, Gothic Rock Compilation, Folk Compilation, Faithless.
THE ISMO AWARDS 1998: We hold forth...



EDITED AND COMPILED BY Mr Slutto, Siggsworthy Craggs and Atilla the Hen - With contributions from The Sexiest lady in Cyberspace over in the US of A.



A P O L O G I E S:

The keen-eyed amongst you will have noted that there has been no ISMO for about six weeks. We have had terrible problems with both our ISP and our Mail Server, but we think that we have sorted them out now...

...and anyway ISMO is free so what the hell are you complaining about anyway?

The web site should be updated this weekend and normal service will be resumed as soon as we get around to it. However, as the feature this week, ain`t a featured artiste (in the accepted sense of the word) we will probably not be putting it up as a separate item...


THE GOSSIPING HEN



EACH WEEK ATILLA - OUR INTREPID CAPON - REVEALS THE RESULTS OF A FEW DAYS SPENT HANGING AROUND IN BARS WITH CELEBRITIES, LISTENING AT WINDOWS, AND BLAGGING DRINKS OFF P.R. MEN

* Pete Wylie is in court accused of threatening to Kill his ex girlfriend and her new bloke. For those of you not in the know,Pete Wylie was the main-man behind the least succesful of the big three Liverpool bands of the early 1980's "Wah" (aka "Wah Heat" and "The Mighty Wah").

The other two were, of course, "the Teardrop Explodes" and "Echo and The Bunnymen". This particular chicken always thought that they were the best of the three bands (although Siggsy would disagree) and we all wish Wylie boy the best of luck in his upcoming ordeal.

Talking of the other two bands, there was once a band called "The Crucial Three" which featured Wylie, Julian Cope and Ian McCullough from "The Teardrop Explodes".

Despite the awesome amount of talent in this trio it would have helped if they had been able to play at the time, and as one of the people who has actually HEARD the `Crucial Three` so-called demo tape, it is actually (like so many other legendary lost recrdings (The Beatles, Liverpool 1966; Siouxsie and The Banshees, 100 Club 1976) just a bloody awful row.

Sorry!!!

The last word on Senor Wylie is in his own words from the playout coda of his semi-hit single "The Story of The Blues"

".......well that`s my story and I`ll stick into that, let`s have another drink and let`s talk about the blues, blues is about dignity, it`s about self-respect,and no matter what they take away from you - that`s yours for keeps, I remember how it was, how every medium - T.V. and papers and radio and all those people were saying:'you`re on the scrap-heap, you`re useless', I remember how easy it was to start believe in that, I remember how you`d hear people take it for granted that it was true - just `cause someone with an 'outer power' said so......."

* Also in court this week was ex-Beatle George Harrison who successfully sued someone or other for claiming in their book that he had accepted sexual favours from some young lady in exchange for a charitable donation. As this was supposed to have happened thirty years or more ago when every young lady in the western world would have gladly shagged a Beatle the story seems dodgy to me, and was kicked out of court.....

* Also in the news for legal things was the insufferable Chris Evans who was fined a whopping ten grand for having given out the home telephone number of a photographer sensible enough to have got into a fracas with one of those insufferably tedious Oasis blokes. Personally, both the Gallagher boys deserve a damn good twatting, and Evans was (as the powers that be decided) well out of order.

* Much to our delight, one of our favourite bands of yesteryear is back and are presently recording a new album. Bowwowwow - featuring the delectable Annabella LuWin are presently recording their first new album for fifteen years and are, we believe, touring the USA as I write. Her solo outing from about 1990-ish was a tad disappointing (although it had its moments) and we very much look forward to the new album. Their first two outings "Your Cassette Pet" (1991) and "See Jungle See Jungle Go Join Your Gang Yeah City All Over go Ape Crazy" (1991) still sound pretty good to me, although later recordings weren't quite so good.

Original manager Malcy McL was embroiled into all sorts of 'pedo' scams involving the original release of the album which featured (then 14 year old) Annabella naked on the front cover.

Sadly one of the band (I THINK it was guitarist Matthew Ashman) died recently, so we have no news on the current line up but have no fear - we shall be shamelessly plugging their every move as and when possible..


WEIRD SCENES INSIDE THE GOLDMINE

Peculiar music/art news from around the world

HEAVEN KNOWS I`M MISERABLE NOW.........

Read this and weep - Jonathan Romney, The Guardian, 11/9/98

When did you last hear, as David Bowie once plaintively asked, "one damn song that could make you break down and cry?" Or, come to that, just break down? The most prized talent in pop songwriting still seems to be the ability to drive the listener not to the Kleenex box (any old Celine Dion ballad can do that, if you're drunk and maudlin enough), but to the pill box or the noose. The current edition of Q magazine has a feature on the most depressing records ever made - Radiohead, Nirvana, PJ Harvey. Mere nursery stuff! Uncut magazine's recent top 10

may be nearer the mark, with pole position going to John Cale's 1982 album Music For A New Society - which could equally have been called Music For A Rainy Thursday Afternoon In A Pontypridd Mortician's Parlour.

Mere workaday gloom, however, neither here nor there. Forget your Leonard Cohens and your Nicos, you don't know what true lugubriousness is until you've heard a Finnish tango band, and here's the sublime contradiction - for that music is what passes for knees-up jollity on a hot night out in Helsinki. The great paradox of the matter is that genuinely sad pop music is invariably life-enhancing and uplifting, while what actually makes you reach for the razor is the sort that sickens with cheer-up chumminess. Morrissey may give the disheartened the strength to soldier on; it'll be The Birdie Song that makes them throw in the towel.

There is, however, one great historical exception to this rule, and that is the peerlessly lachrymose Gloomy Sunday, world-famous in its day as the "Hungarian Suicide Song". Gloomy Sunday is the subject of Peter Muller's play of the same name, which ends its run this weekend at London's Jermyn Street Theatre. The play tells the story of one Rezso (Rudi) Seress, born in 1900, an impoverished agoraphobic Jew from Budapest who turned to songwriting after a failed career as a trapeze artist.

Some of Seress's songs performed in the play were passably upbeat, even jolly - ballads of filial piety and oompah tavern songs such as Just Drink and I Love Being Pickled. Even these, though, have a distinctly peevish tinge: "Bring me the cheque now, waiter please/Life has bored me to my knees."

Seress's greatest hit was inspired by a suicide epidemic that swept Budapest during the Depression. Prone to melancholy himself, he wrote Gloomy Sunday, with lyrics by one Laszlo Javor. About Javor, the play says nothing, but he was clearly no Butlin's Redcoat. The imagery exudes a deep European, almost Baudelairean morbidity, all white flowers and black coaches. "Sunday is gloomy, with shadows I spend it all," sings the protagonist to his dead beloved. "My heart and I have decided to end it all." The final verse, however, opts for that cop-out favoured by bad filmmakers the world over: "Dreaming - I was only dreaming I wake and I find you asleep."

The song's planned radio debut was cancelled out of respect when the head of Hungarian broadcasting died. Once the song became known in Hungary, it was linked with further suicides: the sheet music was found beside the body of a servant who had swallowed caustic soda; blood-soaked copies turned up next to other over-enthusiastic fans. The song was associated with some 18 deaths in Hungary alone and, the story goes, with over 100 the world over. When released, it received terrific publicity from the Ventura Orchestra ensemble, with a stage routine in which the drummer shot himself, the violinists, drank poison and Ventura himself ended the set hoist towards the ceiling by his neck.

The song was first made famous in the States by Paul Robeson, and was a hit in 1941 for Billie Holiday, whose oddly lubricious delivery gave the words a weirdly perverse twist. Other versions were cut by Louis Armstrong, Josephine Baker,Maurice Chevalier, even beaming old Bing Crosby, who must have been inspired by a bad golf day. More recently, Elvis Costello tried his hand at it, and Abel Ferrara, never one to shy away from the obvious, used it in his gangster movie The Funeral.

While the song became legendary, its composer's life went from bad to worse. Seress suffered under the Nazis and was sent to a labour camp in the Ukraine, where he wrote his own alternative, more unequivocal set of lyrics to Gloomy Sunday:' "The world's at an end, there's no hope for existence." When he returned to Budapest after the war, he was invited to take a bow at the Carnegie Hall, but declined and stayed home to write a rousing anthem for the new Budapest chain bridge, to be performed at the local Communist Party hall.

Vast royalties accumulated in the US, his for the taking if he cared to collect them in person; he didn't, and lived on in poverty in Budapest. In 1968, forgotten and depressed, Seress leapt out of a window to his death.

Gloomy Sunday, the play, has a fascinating story to tell, and after all, you'll never again get the chance to hear songs like Nobody's Loved Me So Far or Maybe I'm Not Very Bright. Perhaps Julian Littman, playing Seress, is a little too breezy and personable: I couldn't quite buy the image of Sertss as a trouper forever bouncing back from the brink. I started to wonder who would have made the perfect Seress, and then it dawned on me - Charles Aznavour might have had his uses after all.

Meanwhile, if your constitution is up to it, I recommend a peerlessly doleful version of Gloomy Sunday that wrings out not only every last tear but every last drop of embalming fluid. It was recorded by US art-vamp chanteuse Lydia Lunch on her 1980 album Queen Of Siam. Lunch moans the lyrics sotto voce with the disdainful tones of a morbidly jaded 10-year-old, while an organ creaks, piano clanks and discordant jazz saxes squeak and gibber. Needless to say, the song's final, upbeat verse is pointedly omitted.

EDITOR`S NOTE: you ought to hear Nico`s version of `The End` (yeah, the Doors one),

from the 1.4.74 album by herself, Kevin Ayers, John Cale et al...

ANIMAL HOUSE



(The Sunday Times (UK) December 6 1998)

Channel 4 breaks last sex taboo with bestiality film - by Nicholas Hellen and Trushar Barot

The last sexual taboo is to be broken on British television as Channel 4 prepares to broadcast a documentary which examines bestiality. One of the interviewees being considered for the programme is Mark Mathews, 47, a former electrician who lives in Missouri, America, with a 22-year-old mare named Pixel.

Earlier this year his story was judged too extreme to be broadcast even by Jerry Springer, the leading exponent of tabloid television in the United States. However, a spokesman for the Independent Television Commission (ITC) said the programme could go ahead provided it was "in the correct context and scheduled at an appropriate time".

Mathews, who has two adult children, says he bought Pixel for $85 (?52) in 1993 and "married" the mare in a ceremony. He said bestiality was misunderstood by people who branded him a pervert and had made death threats.

Bestiality is a criminal act under the 1956 Sexual Offences Act in Britain, but under Missouri state law it is not a criminal offence - provided it is conducted in private. Mary Whitehouse, the founder of the National Viewers' and Listeners' Association, intends to lobby against the programme which is expected to be broadcast next year. She said: "I shall notify the obscene publications squad at Scotland Yard. The programme cannot be transmitted."

A spokesman for Channel 4 said the planned programme was an anthropological documentary which would examine man's physical relationship with animals from the Stone Age to the present day. Researchers were considering scenes from cave art and stories from ancient mythology as well as Mathews' story.

The willingness of British networks to increase the volume of programming on sexual matters has alarmed senior broadcasters. One television executive said: "The terrestrial networks are so obsessed with sex that they may put soft-porn on satellite out of business."

There are signs that senior managers at Channel 4 are also concerned that the network may have gone too far in its efforts to court controversy. Insiders say that Tim Gardam, its new programme director, has warned programme commissioners to avoid sensationalism. The controversy will focus attention on the judgment of Michael Jackson, chief executive of Channel 4, who is regarded as a contender to take over from Sir John Birt as director-general of the BBC when Birt retires in March 2000.The network also plans to broadcast a series of "highlights" of The Word, a late evening youth programme from the early 1990's which was dropped by Channel 4 after some of its excesses were criticised by the ITC.

Other elements at Channel 4 are pushing for more explicit portrayal of minority sexual practices. Earlier this year, Jacquie Lawrence, a commissioning editor at the channel, said she wanted lesbian and gay sex on television to be made more realistic with the appointment of special consultants to provide advice.

Channel 4 is to screen British television's first homosexual drama series, Queer as Folk, from January. It is set in Manchester and follows the love lives of three homosexual men. Also in January, Channel 4 will devote a weekend to the issue of censorship, which argues that Britain has tougher regulations than other European countries.

Other channels, including satellite television, are also challenging this theory. A survey by the Broadcasting Standards Commission disclosed that the number of sex scenes in television soap operas had trebled in three years, so that more than one in five scenes in Emmerdale, EastEnders and Coronation Street now have a sexual content.

A NOISE ANNOYS

ONE MAN'S ROCK 'N' ROLL IS ANOTHER MAN'S HARASSMENT

12/10/98 - The Associated Press

RUSHVILLE, Ill. (AP) _ When shotgun season on deer opened up this year, Tim Sullivan's neighbors say he did what he's done for years: cranked up the rock 'n' roll to scare away the deer.

Blasting high-volume rock 'n' roll warned the deer away from Sullivan's rural Schuyler County home - but it also scared deer out of land owned by his neighbors, who complained to the authorities. Police arrested Sullivan for hunter harassment, a misdemeanor.

"It was so loud that even with my car engine running I could hear it," said Schuyler County Sheriff's Deputy Charles Young. "That's really loud." Young and others said the music - mostly classic rock tunes by the likes of John Mellencamp - could be heard more than a mile away. Ten hunters signed complaints asserting that the music amounted to harassment.

"He's a nice guy, but he doesn't want anybody hunting deer, doesn't want anybody on his property," Schuyler County Sheriff Don Schieferdecker said of Sullivan. "There's a large holler there, and that music travels through it," Schieferdecker said. "That sure scares the deers."

Paul Wolf, whose family has owned forest land adjacent to Sullivan's for 20 years, said every hunting season is the same. The shotgun season starts and so does the pounding music, whether its "Rock In the USA.'' or ``In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.''

If Sullivan played loud rock music all the time, it would be a different thing, Wolf said. But Sullivan only turns up the volume when the hunt begins. "Our shotgun season is like two weekends a year, and if somebody ruins it, then it's over,'' Wolf said. Phone calls to Sullivan's house were met with a busy signal. He could not be reached for comment. He is due in court on Dec. 30.

Past complaints against Sullivan of hunter harassment have been thrown out because no one but the complainants heard the music. This time, however, at least 10 witnesses and a sheriff's deputy were on hand Saturday to hear it. Even if the music didn't scare the animals away, Wolf said the noise impeded what he was trying to do on his own property. "I do know when you go that far away from civilization and get that rural, that it should be quiet and peaceful,'' he said.

EDITOR`S NOTE: The only real concern here, is why the folk at Associated Press could possibly describe John bleeding Mellencamp as "claassic rock"!!!!!!!




MISSING LINKS

The Dead Celebrities game URL: www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Portal/1827/index.html

1.Teams consist of twenty celebrities
2.Celebrities must be real people, ie. no soap characters
3.Points awarded as follows

7pts Celebrity drops
3 pts Celebrity younger than 30 years of age
2 pts Celebrity aged between 30 and 50 years
1 pt Celebrity aged between 50 and 70 years
3 pts Celebrity commits suicide or is murdered
1 pt Bonus if fallen celebrity has been uniquely picked

4.The competition started at Thursday August 20th 1998 but you are still more than welcome to enter a team!



JULIAN COPE ETC



The news item about Pete Wylie reminded us of our early 1980`s obsession with things Liverpudlian and we decided to go online in search of more fax `n` info. Our search lead us to

www.n0place.com/~andrew/trampolene/Biography.html

where we found an excellent site from which we have stolen the following excerpt.......

1957: On Oct 21st Julian David Cope was born at his grandparents house in Deri South Glamorgan from there his parents moved to Tamworth where he grew up like any normal child but his taste in music & being the only boy in Tamworth called Julian sets him apart from the rest.

1976 Julian travels to Liverpool to start college just as punk starts to change the face of music and people's lives.

1977 Julian meets up with Pete Wylie and Ian McCulloch and they form The Crucial Three at Pete's flat in Wilton , at their second meeting Ian has a brilliant idea for a song called Spacehopper but they spilt before playing a gig. The next band was called The Mystery Girls Which had Pete Burns on vocals , the band was short lived as they played only one gig at Eric's supporting Sham 69 before they split


PRICK UP YOUR EARS - THE ISMO FEATURE



THE MUSIC OF CHARLES MANSON



To continue to prove (as if any proof were needed) that this magazine is compiled by folk who have wholesome life interests, here is a brief guide to sites on the web where you can download (for free) some of the (not very good) music by notorious mass murderer and cultist Charlie Manson

This should probably have been a Missing Links feature but there was so much available I decided to shove it in here as a feature.

The first place you should go is www.charlesmansonlosttapes.com/

Not just because of the realAudio files that you can download but because they have a wealth of information including this timeline which we have shamelessly stolen...

1961 MANSON IS SENT TO McNEIL ISLAND:

1964 MANSON BECOMES OBSESSED WITH THE BEATLES

1964 MEETS ALVIN KARPIS (MA BAKER GANG)

Karpis teaches Manson slide guitar

1965 TRANSFERRED TO TERMINAL ISLAND

1966 MANSON WRITES 80-90 SONGS

1967 RELEASED FROM TERMINAL ISLAND

11 September 1967 THE LOST TAPES RECORDED IN LA

A famous producer recorded the album at Goldstar Recording Studios Hollywood. The first ever Manson studio session, it's his most comprehensive and highest quality recording in existence. This album was recorded just after the Manson Family fled San Francisco.

May 1968 THE FAMILY MOVE INTO BEACH BOY DENNIS WILSON'S HOUSE

Dennis had picked up Patricia Krenwinkle and another family member hitch hiking and bought them home. Later that same evening Wilson returned from a recording session to be greeted by Manson who had already moved in with a group of girls.

Manson managed to charm Wilson into letting them stay (for around 3 months) during which period his Rolls Royce was trashed and he footed the family's medical bills (probably the largest Gonorrhea bill in history).

The whole affair cost Dennis around $100,000 in 1968 but he considers he got off lightly.

May 1968

MANSON MEETS TALENT SCOUT GREGG JACOBSON AND PRODUCER TERRY MELCHER

Jackobson was fascinated by Manson and later introduced him to producer Terry Melcher (Dorris Days son) who was currently living at 10050 Cielo Drive.

Melcher was involved in a Record Label but was not impressed by Manson. There is some speculation that Melcher was the target a year later when the Tate murder's took place at his old address.

Although he still stayed at the house, on the night of the murders he was in Malibu with his girlfriend Candice Bergman.

8 August 1968 LIE ALBUM RECORDED:

Look At Your Game Girl, Ego, Mechanical Man, People Say I'm No Good, Home Is Where You're Happy, Arkansas, I'll Never Say Never To Always, Garbage Dump, Don't Do Anything Illegal, Sick City, Cease To Exist, Big Iron Door, I Once Knew A Man, Eyes Of A Dreamer

This album was originally released during the Manson trial and is now available from Amazon.com

11 September 1968 BEACH BOYS RECORD MANSON COVER

Brian Wilson allegedly renamed and changed slightly Manson's song 'Cease to Exist'. The song 'Never Learn Not To Love' was released without a Manson credit on their album 20/20. Manson was said to be furious. The Beach Boys had put Manson on the radio charts.

December 1968 BEATLES WHITE ALBUM RELEASED

Manson believed the Beatles were talking to him through this album.

27 July 1969 HINMAN MURDER

9 August 1969 TATE MURDERS (Los Angeles)

10 August 1969 LA BIANCA MURDERS

Rosemary and Leno LaBianca were murdered in their Los Feliz home, Los Angeles

12 October 1969 MANSON ARRESTED AND CHARGED

20 December 1969 MANSON, ATKINS, KRENWINKLE, VAN HOUTEN INDICTMENT

Feb 70 MOTIVE DISCOVERED IN BEATLES AND THE BIBLE: BIZARRE LINK TO WHITE ALBUM/BOOK OF REVELATIONS

15 June 70 TATE/LA BIANCA TRIAL BEGINS LOS ANGELES

25 January 71

MANSON, ATKINS, VAN HOUTEN & KRENWINKLE FOUND GUILTY

Watson is not fit for trial

1974 HELTER SKELTER: BOOK RELEASED

Written by the District Attorney that prosecuted the case Vincent Bugliosi

1976

HELTER SKELTER: FILM RELEASED

Directed by Tom Gries this 100 min docurama was made for TV.

April 85

PRISON SESSION RECORDED, VACAVILLE MEDICAL FACILITY

1992

Music from Vacaville. Limited edition LP came with liner notes/ poetry from Manson. B side is etched with Manson's drawings

1993

GUNS & ROSES RELEASE MANSON COVER HIDDEN TRACK ON "THE SPIGOT INCIDENT"

1994

MANSON 60TH BIRTHDAY RELEASE:

Introduction, The Hallways Of The Always, A Peace In Your Heart, Give Your Love (To Be Free), ATWA, The Hallways Of The Always (reprise), Searchlight Dreams, Down In The Nuremberg, Father In The Universal Sky, Down In Dixieland, Monologue, Walking Through Forever, Reflections, A Tribute To Hank Williams, Be Free (Be To Be Free), Shakespeare's Clown, Hobo's Lament, Yellow Blues, The Spaceman, A Peace In Your Heart (reprise), I'm Free

Now1997

THE FAMILY JAMS:

A double CD of Manson's music sung by his friends in 1970. Released in 1997, this CD comes with a 20 page book which contains many unpublished photos and liner notes by Manson, Red, and Blue. (These notes are reproduced on this site in Music Quotes.)

Disc 1 is the Manson Family Sings The Songs Of Charles Manson but re-mastered

for better sound. Disc 2 contains new and previously unreleased versions:

A Gamblin' Man Come From Natchez, Ride Away, Die To Be One, The Fires Are Burning, Give Your Love (To Be Free), The Young Will Overcome, Goin' To The Church House, The Fires Are Burning, I'll Never Say Never To Always, Die To Be One, Look At Your Love, I Can't Remember When, Give Your Love (To Be Free) London Bridge Is Falling Down

1997 THE WAY OF THE WOLF

Recently released compilation of words and music (13 new songs) all recorded at Vacaville in the mid 1980's.

However, this ain`t the only site where you can download Manson music. Check out:

www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Arena/5928/wolf.html

Charles Manson- "The Way of the Wolf" songs in Real Audio~

"As you will see below, I have full length songs from the Charles Manson album "The Way of the Wolf" from Pale Horse Inc. Pale Horse Inc. is an independent record company that sells one Manson album. If you send them your money, they will most likely take it, and not send you the album. They are becoming notorious for not fulfilling orders. I luckily got mine from Merle Allin (who is very good at fulfilling orders). He got a few after ordering, and having to call back over and over until they got sick of hearing from him. I was not as lucky. I called them twice, and the guy sounded trustworthy. He was even from right next to my hometown. He promised me he would send it right away both times. That was well over a year and a half ago. If you order this cd, the closest you may ever come to seeing it is from Access Manson.

The entire cd gets a b+ compared to his other albums. Here is every single piece of original material on the album in Real Audio."

Believe it or not, there is more. Much more. However, this is a music magazine not a celebration of vileness (despite what it looks like sometimes) and so we shall leave the further investigation of such things to those of you inquisitive enough to delve into the murkier areas of cyberspace... Atila the Hen.




THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UNLISTENABLE >H4>

(CD REVIEWS)



***** Fuck-off Brilliant
**** Pretty damn Good
*** Average but no Cigar, Mr President
** Could do better
* Shite



Various Artists: "Taster" (Park PRKCD37) ****

I'm an odd sort of fellow me. I'm basically a goth but enjoy new wave. No surprise there you might think not really a clash of styles. . . But how about folk music? I absolutely love folk, (although it may be odd for a black clad graveyard lurker like me to say) but, anything sung by a bearded bloke in a chunky sweater, preferably about a mining disaster or medieval child murderer, fascinates me!

Taster is a 15 track compilation including Steeleye Span , Pentangle, and Wild Willy Barrett. A must for anyone who likes to swig cider whilst yodelling about the Liverpool docks with your finger in your ear. Siggsworthy Craggs

Peter Wyngarde "When Sex leers its inquisitive head" (R. M. P 187) **

The late 60s and early 70s were great for both TV and fashion. Jon Pertwee exploded onto our screens as the greatest Doctor Who of them all. Sporting flowing opera capes, frilly shirts and velvet smoking jackets, he karate kicked his way to fame like a hybrid of James Bond and Sherlock Holmes. His I. T. V counterpart was Jason King of Department S - a sort of cross between the Saint and Adam Ant. Played in a wonderfully o. t. t fashion by Peter Wyngarde, crushed velvet, kipper ties and Chardonnay were his bag.

What few people know is that in 1970 Peter released a record. It was swiftly withdrawn and original vinyl copies now change hands for up to 400. Now it has been re-released and we can finally see why the original record company pulled it. . . . It's bloody awful. The whole record is unlistenable dirge and not even witty. One can`t help but feel we should expect something better from the excellent fellow who brought us Jason King. Siggsworthy Craggs

P. J Harvey " Is this desire?" (Island CID 8076/524 563-2) ****

No one can deny that Miss Harvey has one of the most enchanting voices in the music business. Listening to this record is quite an experience. Both lyrics and vocals are deeply melancholic but highly arousing at the same time, a pleasantly disquieting feeling. Like looking at faded photographs of past lovers, like drowning in silk, like strips of lace tossed by Autumnal winds across a blackthorn briar, like the sent of violets upon wakening in a stranger's bed chamber, like.... GOD I'M GETTING PRETENTIOUS. Just buy the damn record o.k. Siggsworthy Craggs

Talvin Singh "O. K" (Island/Omni CID 8075/524 559-2 ) *

No Talvin to be quite frank it's not bloody O. K., it's crap. Over half an hour of drab uninspired toss so awful not even Ozric Tentacles fans would sit through it. I bloody well had to though. If your expecting a good bhangra album with kicking sitars you'll be sorely disappointed, and no, Talvin can't Singh. Siggsworthy Craggs

The Frank Chickens "Get Chickenized" (RES136CD) *

I don`t know if this sort of stuff is popular back in Japan, but what sounds like 14 songs about teeny boppers in the orient is not this reviewers cup of saki. They've been around for donkey's years so they must be a success somewhere. Sounds like it could do with being trashed by Godzilla (the proper Japanese one not the shitty American job). Siggsworthy Craggs

The Frank Chickens "Club Monkey" (RES137CD) **

Not quite so bad as the above offering but this album wont win a coconut either. A little more variety here in both style and content. The best track is "Waiting for a dog" about human double standards in there treatment of dogs (I love dogs to the point of being ridiculous about them!). We'll only get Rodan onto you this time. Siggsworthy Craggs

Gothic Rock 3 Black on Black Jungle Freud CD 059 *****

O. K I admit it I`m biased , but I would be wouldn't I being 12 years a goth man and boy? This is simply one of the most fabulous releases all year. An ebon tidal wave of nostalgia that sweeps you back to the heady days when goth was at it's peak. Gems therein include March Violets , Play Dead, Danse Society, Sex Gang Children and of course Bauhaus, nicely timed as the kings of goth have just re-formed (come on lads let's have a proper tour not just 2 gigs!).

I urge all decent human beings (and indecent ones!) to rush out and buy this totally mind stomping record. As for me I shall be playing it in front of the black alter of Atalach-Nacha as I dance the dance of the. . . . . . ah but I have already said too much. Siggsworthy Craggs (opener of the "gate")

Faithless - Sunday 8pm CHEK CD503 ***

Lively drifty disco. Melodic and tuneful, and rather nice vocals: imagine Barry White doing slow spacey rap (if you can), with sometimes lumbering sometimes jaunty disco beats and drifty strings-driven backing, and that's broadly what you get here. Not that this is rap per se, but the vocals are delivered in that rather semi-unpunctuated concatenated style that's becoming so common nowadays. Girlie choruses pop up too, though. It's not balls-grabbing, but pleasantly listenable if you like that sort of thing.

"Faithless" are a pretty diffuse bunch - eg, Boy George sings lead on the sensitive and spacey Disco song 'Why Go?' - 'why go, when you can stay with me: kick off your shoes...' If it was me asking that, the answer would probably be 'because you're bloody pissed on cider and more interested in watching 'Star Trek'...'

The crap title and the unappealing cover - a main street in Smalltown USA - seems hell-bent on suggesting boredom. The album's theme is life in general, so it all depends on your outlook, I guess. Mr Slutto


TWITCHY'S DITCH



Thoughts on life and music from Twitchy the tramp in his tawdry little ditch.



Phlegmy Christmas & A Scabby New Year!!

What did Father Xmas bring you? We tramps don`t have Father Xmas but we DO have Father Excema. He brings lovely new skin diseases to all good little tramps. This year I got scabies, impetigo and a smashing dose of ticks (all called Alan).

We DO indulge in carol singing, however, and for the record (and WHAT a record it would make) here are a few of our favourites.

* "Here we come a rolling in the sick so green, here we come a rolling a joy to be seen."

* "We three tramps of Nuneaton are baring pox we've drooled so far".

* "The boil and the canker when they are both full grown ,of all the growths that are on a tramp the boil bares the crown (of pus)".

These lyrics make folk very generous with their Christmas dinners, half digested of course!

Come New Year`s Eve, I threw a huge "meths & sick" party in the ditch. All the top notch tramps were there and of course all the most stunning bag ladies. I saw the New Year in with a "bang" thanks to a lovely new trampette in town called Mottled Claudia.

This exquisite lady of the road came by her sexy moniker due to having been extensively tattooed at the age of 13 and exhibited as a sort of comical sideshow freak. Subsequent ageing however has transformed the tattoos into shapeless purple blotches hence Claudia`s charming name.

My New Year`s Resolutions are as follows:

1. Marry a tree.
2. Holiday by a mound and quite close to a stream.
3. Tramps have no concept of the number three.
4. Join the royal frog trampling society.
5. Have my stain collection mounted (whay-hay!!)






THE ISMO AWARDS 1998



BEST NEW ALBUM



SIGGSWORTHY CRAGS:

They Might Be Giants "Severe Tire Damage" (Cooking Vinyl)

ATILLA THE HEN:

The Artist formerly known as... "New Power Soul" (Paisley Park)

MR SLUTTO

Ministry of Sound "The Annual IV"



BEST SINGLE



SIGGSWORTHY CRAGS:

The Rottentrolls "The Rottentrolls March"

ATILLA THE HEN:

RUN DMC v Jason Nevin "It's Like That"

MR SLUTTO

Billie "Because I want To"

BEST ARCHIVE REISSUE/RELEASE



SIGGSWORTHY CRAGS:

Gothic Rock 3 Black on Black

ATILLA THE HEN:

Bob Dylan "Albert Hall 1966" (About fucking time)

MR SLUTTO

Hawkwind "1999 Party - Live in Chicago 1974"




BOOKSHELF



"My Tiny Life" by Julian Diibbell (4th Estate) *****



As is always the case this book turned upon my metaphorical reviewers doormat mostly by mistake. I`d asked the publishers for something completely different (which they sent, by the way, and which may well be reviewed here next week), and they sent me this as well, believing (as turned out to be the case) that because we were an Internet based publication, that we would appreciate this book.

LambdaMOO is a long-standing text based community in Cyberspace. (It can, by the way, be reached at http://vesta.physics.ucla.edu/~smolin/lambda/

The opening screen reads:

"LambdaMOO is a new kind of society,

where thousands of people voluntarily come together from all over the world. What these people say or do may not always be to your liking; as when visiting any international city, it is wise to be careful who you associate with and what you say."

Julian Dibbell`s wonderful book chronicles the saga of life in this unique community. Its joys, its terrors, its internecine politics and its power struggles. It is a story of love, hate, lust and terror, as gripping as any political history of as any other community in the world, and I can truthfully say that this is one of the best books that I have read in years.

I have lived within a virtual community for a while, I have had a cyber-lover and although I never ventured into LambdaMOO until after reading Dibbell's book I could immediately empathise with what he had to say.

As Dibbell points out in the closing sections of his book, with the advent of the all singing all dancing www, such seemingly primitive text based cyber communities may seem anachronistic, but they still have a unique zeitgeist to offer the hopeful traveller. Atilla the Hen.




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